Behind the Album: Cardiac Arrest

It was 2012. I had spent the prior year at a personal crossroads with my music. The CCM band I had tried to form during my first months at Belmont folded almost as soon as it formed, and it left me feeling very hurt and lost. I decided to focus inward: on making music as a solo act and doing a lot of soul searching to figure out what that might look like. More than anything, I wanted to prove myself as a songwriter. What kind of artist should I be? What is the message? I call the summer of 2011 my Summer of Self-Love. I spent it almost entirely in solitude and learned so much about myself in redefining my sense of purpose, my faith, my identity, and my art. And I documented all of it in song. The idea of Cardiac Arrest was birthed during this time.

I was in love with the idea of love and I wanted to sing about it. Each song I picked for the project explored a different facet of love: the love of creativity, impulsive love, self-love, sensual love, hospitable love, the love of humanity, the fear of love, the fear of loss of love…. I had never been IN love, but the album ended up being quite prophetic: I got engaged just about a year after I released it.

But I’ve had a love-hate relationship with Cardiac Arrest since then. When a project is your very first one, you always have a thousand thoughts in retrospect about what you “should have” done differently. We recorded all the vocals in my dorm room. The sound of the album is very 2012 indeed—and as pop music continued to evolve over the 2010s, a lot of the production choices we made on it fell out of vogue rather quickly. And I had been so focused on making music that would be super accessible and market-friendly that after a while, I didn’t see the album as a true reflection of Ray Curenton The Artist and turned my focus to following it up with something more substantial. So after a few years of it being on all the major digital outlets, growing less connected to the work than I was when I made it, I opted not to renew my distribution agreement and took Cardiac Arrest down from all music platforms but Bandcamp.

However, I’ve recently come to grow fond of this project all over again. When I listen to the music today, I recognize just how musically adventurous and vocally ambitious I was at only 19 years old. I’m impressed with my younger self’s ear and my vision to make a rather cohesive concept album. And the release of the project bore surprising fruits. I made decade-long connections with quite a few supporters, collaborators, and friends through this project, including my now-husband. So in the spirit of historical preservation and in honor of the album’s tenth anniversary (10 years!!! Omg 😱) , I’ve decided to make Cardiac Arrest—imperfections and all—widely available yet again.​

Thank you, always, to the album’s producer Colin Cooper for saying yes and living in the trenches with me for the 6-ish months it took to put this album together. You are an incredible musician, producer, and engineer and it was an honor to work with you on this. And thank you for (upon hearing the name of the album) encouraging me to write a title track. The song “Cardiac Arrest” has gone on to become a fan favorite, ending up on a best songs of 2012 list, and is one of my most-streamed songs to date. Not too bad for a last-minute addition.

For those of you who have been following my music since 2012, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you enjoy revisiting this album with me.

And for those of you who missed it the first time…what are you waiting for? 😂 Get yourself in the mindset of early 2010s Lady Gaga, Usher, Katy Perry, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, and Rihanna, put those feather extensions back in your hair, grab that old fedora, and press play at the link below!!

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